Maison de Memories.....

In October 2007 a group of fresh-faced graduates from all over the European Union arrived in Brussels. Although each of these stagiaires had very different identities and backgrounds, they all had one thing in common: a burning ambition to complete the Internal Market. During their first weeks in the European capital they came to realise that this would be a Herculean task. There were a variety of barriers that prevented them from achieving their goal, such as the fact that they never saw their advisors, had no idea how to log in to their computers, and were crippled by the weight of their massive orientation packs. Still, our brave heroes came together in a place called the Maison de Maitre and made a plan to change the face of Europe forever.

The first days in MdM were difficult. The DG Internal Market stagiaires (or 'Team MARKT' as they came to be known) discovered that they had been banished to a hermetically sealed attic some miles away from the cafeteria and their units. During the first days of the stage the only noise in the MdM was the shuffling of paper, as the stagiaires read and re-read their job-descriptions. Some members of Team MARKT faced mountains of work, while others wandered listlessly through the corridors or sought out the cafeteria. There an even greater challenge would face them, in the form of Lolita the coffee lady.

Lolita cackled with glee as each new stagiaire approached her, and delighted in ignoring them while chatting to her boyfriend on the phone. She responded to their desperate demands for caffeine with hot cups of tar which were hazardous to health. Even worse, she refused to accept that 'café au lait' 'latte' and 'lait russe' are interchangeable terms, and she poured scorn over their badly accented French even as she poured out their gritty bitter beverages. Although Lolita did show her softer side to one Italian stagiaire, he chose not to look.

The cafeteria was a place of fear and miscommunication as far as Lolita was concerned, but Team MARKT will also remember it as a haven from the stresses of working life. It was a place where stagiaires could dawdle and reconnect with colleagues who had been banished to offices far away from the MdM. It was also a place where multiple ideas were shared, enduring friendships were forged, and thousands of cigarettes were smoked. The air around the cafeteria was often filled with the laughter of our merry band and the smell of rolled tobacco – moments that will be looked back upon with pleasure for years to come.

Unfortunately disagreements among members of Team MARKT would occasionally give rise to discord within the group. A particularly troubling source of tension was a long-running dispute relating to the ventilation of MdM. Whilst some stagiaires sweated like galley-slaves, a young stagiaire known only as 'Shakiro' denied these poor creatures the chance to breathe cool air. The stagiaires called upon Commissioner Frattini from the DG for Justice, Freedom and Security to resolve the conflict, but he simply responded that 'the matter is not within our competence'.

Gradually the sweaty stagiaires came to learn that Shakiro was a friendly, fun-loving creature. The great pleasures in his life were wine, crepes, belly-dancing and dry workspaces. In fact he became so well-loved that he was proclaimed king of the MdM. Although ventilation-related conflict did continue throughout the Stage, any skirmishes were short-lived and good natured. Moreover, Shakiro became known as the 'sun-king' of the MdM because he ruled with great wisdom and provided many snacks for his hungry people.

Indeed, the Stagiaires laboured so intensely for the cause of the Internal Market that they often became very hungry. When their hunger became unbearable they would gather and roam in the direction of the commission canteens like herds of starving wildebeest. As far as Team MARKT was concerned, no queue was too long and no Plat du Jour too revolting to keep them from the canteen. The starving stagiaires supplemented their meagre diet by taking occasional trips to exotic restaurants, and fortified themselves with alcohol on a weekly basis during 'Friday Drinks'. Even as they enjoyed these pleasures, they were aware that such endless delights cannot last.

In February the MdM began to empty as more and more members of Team MARKT departed for new horizons. They had completed their task, having met both Jorgen Holmquist and the lord of the internal market: Charlie McCreevy. They had also been instrumental in the advancement of the four freedoms: the freedom to drink, the freedom to smoke, the freedom to watch youtube and the freedom to avoid one's advisor for weeks on end. Some stagiaires would go on to great and illustrious careers, while others would go on to work 'in the private sector'. Still they all knew that, no matter how far they travelled or how long they were apart, they would always carry the memories of MdM in their hearts.

Godivas at the Glitter and Glamour party

one of the revellers on her way to the g&g party

The 3am girls have been informed that the Glitter and Glamour party was quite a skimpy affair. It seems that some of the ladies in attendance were sporting little more than some glitter and a big smile!

Although sometimes less is more, we need to remind our fellow stagiaires that strutting around half-nuddy in December is a recipe for pneumonia.

Do YOU have something of the Circus About You?

Jennifer Anniston is ready for the Circus Party

Hats off to the stage committee for their sensitivity and foresight. In the 'Circus Party' invitation, they appeal for bearded ladies to attend. How on earth did they know that we were running out of bleach?

A quick warning to the guys though: snogging beardies can lead to irritation, known as 'pash rash'. Be sure to bring your chapstick!

Breaking and Entering: INFSO-GATE!!!!!!!

Could DG INFSO have fallen prey to an act of political espionage? It is rumoured that a breach of security last week was not a mere burglary, but something much more sinister.
Stagiaires in INFSO doubt that this was an ordinary burglary because it is widely known that the INFSO offices are miles from civilisation. Why would a burglar bother to travel all this distance?
However, suggestions that the break-in was politically motivated have been widely rejected. Senior sources have confirmed that "there is absolutely nothing in the INFSO offices that would be of interest to anyone".
Police have released images of the suspect, who was captured on CCTV. If you think you may know this person, or if you have any idea what INFSO does, please contact bruxo-goss immediately.

Hot and Sweaty?

It has come to our attention that stagiaires in the Berlo have access to a SAUNA and are holding regular sauna parties - a very well kept secret!
Apparently even non-Berlo stagiaires can join one of these steamy sessions.
Just bring along your towel, your action card and an open mind!

Jeroen's Hollywood past

We all knew Jeroen for being a really awesome Liaison Committee member, but were you aware of his glamorous past? As a child, Jeroen (or J-RON as his homies like to call him) was a gifted actor, and starred in several milkybar commercials. So long to the milkybar kid, and all the best with your endeavours in the private sector!

1000 Things to do with your Action Card

All suggestions welcome: please post your comments!
The Action Card can be used:
1 As a toothpick
2 To spread butter
3 To unlock doors
4 As a ruler
5 To plaster walls
6 To remove dog excrement from one's footwear
7 To impress very small children
8 To flick chewing gum at one's fellow stagiaires
9 To provide shade to endangered insects
10 To part one's hair